My Journey With “Parts” 

in Internal Family Systems

Being a psychotherapist was not my original life plan. I am here today because of my own journey. I hope you find it useful to have some insight into my experience and how this works. 

As with many people, I entered psychotherapy because something wasn’t working. Back then I would have reported that I was not in full blown crisis. However in reality I was. I had sought therapy earlier in life, at that time I met criteria for Major Depression. But I thought, “now things are not so bad.”

I was a touch overwhelmed but felt more tired (even though I was getting over 8 hours of sleep a night). I did not enjoy much and was very critical of a lot of things (myself, others, and institutions). I was super effective at work, I was a great manager of my tasks, never missing a deadline (extreme perfectionism). 

I was interested in learning new ways to better my life, find happiness, be “balanced” so I purchased and read a lot of motivational inspiration instructive information. I love-love-loved the Self-Help section of Barns and Noble. Alas, I was irritable more than happy. All in all, I had a lot to be grateful for (and was), and I had a lot of privilege. Nothing was too terribly wrong (ha!!!) yet I knew something had to change.

I began therapy. My therapist started using the word part to label my feelings and thoughts i.e. part of you felt shamed when another part of you thought about revenge. This felt awkward and hookie. It got even weirder when she suggested I feel them in my body or around me in the room. I was desperate and I felt some relief. Through the process it stopped feeling weird, then it felt natural. I was able to label my parts; see them interact and make changes. I felt empowered.

THIS ALL SOUNDS GREAT, BUT HOW?

I would like to introduce five parts of my system: the Critic, the Shamer, the Alone One, the Manager, and the Researcher. They were very activated at the time I started therapy. They each had a role and they did it very well; in fact they all did their thing and preferred the status quo. 

The Researcher found new things to try; the Manager figured out how to implement them; the Critic tore everything down since it wasn’t perfect; and the Shamer felt red hot flashes of shame do to the failures; and the Alone One just felt more and more isolated, sad, and depressed. This was the repeating calamity or melody: the Researcher would begin looking around for the next thing to “fix” and the Manger would start planning and music would play until the crash.

I had thought about and noticed my Critical Voice aka the Critical Part over the years, but I did not know about the other parts and their dance to this music. In order to start my therapist asked me to acknowledge and honor the Critic. 

What?!?!? 

Talk to it? And appreciate it?

Yes. Ask it how it feels and what it needs.

Okay. 

And it spoke (no voices). 

It felt overwhelmed, it felt pressured to make sure everything all the time went well. It never wanted Shame to come and declared that “never again would the feelings of shame and failure happen.”

My therapist validated me and this Part and asked politely to meet other parts. 

I met the Shamer who had so many memories of embarrassing moments. Moments that I failed. Moments others made fun of me. The Shamer actually made me blush red hot even when I was alone! 

My therapist continued in this vein to acknowledge and honor all the parts.

After the Shamer I met the Researcher who showed up after a failures declaring “I can find the right thing!” The Researcher would figure out the next way to improve life i.e. lose weight, have a better memory, be more artistic etc… After is was decided upon, the Manager would figure out the plan, i.e. start on Monday, set up the practice cards, use them 50 minutes every other hour, if you forget you have to do double the next time. As you know, plans like this can’t sustain a perfect trajectory, at some point I slipped up and a cascading effect occurred: the Critic hit hard and the Shamer burned. Because the parts were so extreme in their feelings the whole thing spiraled out of control. 

Through the therapeutic process I learned to unblend my parts and to hear each of them out. This slowed their roll. By being able to separate them, it has allowed me to have great understanding about why I do, think, feel, react, and dream the way I do. I can witness their dance. I have insight. I can make changes. I can slow myself down. This process is the only thing that has let me find balance in my life. 

AUTHENTIC SELF

What about the authentic self? That is always there, and is there now with you. The parts and all their tensions and intense feelings are blocking your connection to it. So with unblending and companioning your parts the authentic self is able to take its place at the center of your life.  I realize the irony that the whole process is to connect to your authentic self, and in many ways the way I describe my journey it appears to be an after thought. It is not, but trying to explain authentic self is etherial.

My History

Psychotherapy is my second career. I am now a licensed clinical social worker, however I began my professional journey working on macro social issues pertaining to international affairs. 

For undergraduate studies, I pursued a BS in international affairs from the George Washington University. Then I served as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Amman, Jordan. My time overseas focused on economic justice for women and children. After volunteering, I continued to focus on diplomacy working at the U.S. Department of State. I expanded my interests, earning a master’s degree in conflict analysis and resolution the George Mason University. During my studies I realized that one-to-one relationships brought true peace, and I realized I needed to earn a Masters in Social Work to become licensed to work directly with people, in contrast to organizations.  

I earned a Masters of Social Work at the Catholic University of America concentrating on Attachment, Internal Family Systems, and Transpersonal modalities. I focused on the veteran population and hospice. I have experience with young children age 3 and older; youth, adolescents; young adults in their college years; adults; and older adults. I have worked in the hospital, psychiatric hospital, and school settings; in hospice; mental health clinics; and in the community.

In July of 2019 I was licensed as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker by the Oregon State Board of Licensed Social Workers. My license number is L8253. I hold social work licenses in the Commonwealth of Virginia (0904012381) and the District of Columbia (LC200001948). On March 7, 2023 I became licensed in the State of Maine, my license number is LC22221.

In February of 2020, I completed my Level One in Internal Family Systems, and the Level Two in 2021, and Intimacy From the Inside Out in 2021; am now able to formally call myself an IFS Practitioner.

I am currently physically located in Maine, but reachable anywhere online!

My System

I and my parts are more than a psychotherapist! I have some varying interests. I have practiced many styles and philosophies of yoga. I have found psychical renewal in Bikram Yoga, and the most spiritual connection through Kundilini. I endeavor to practice daily, but some days my parts aren’t on board. I am a Level Two Reiki Practitioner. I rowed competitive crew for 10 years W8+ rock!